Coming clean

You know that woman that you see each week at work or church or in the grocery store? That woman is many things. She is a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a Jesus lover, a cook, a gardener...  She has so many roles...  She has feelings and hopes and dreams and secrets.  She wants to live her life for Jesus, and more than anything point her kids to Him, but keeps stumbling down the path, the path that she keeps trying to make straight... There are big stones (boulders, really) there to trip her up, and rifts as deep as canyons, but she keeps trying to move forward, just to fall back again.  She can't help but wonder... how do you point them to Jesus, how do you teach them the truth, how do you ensure their salvation when you trip and fall daily over the stones of judgement, jealousy and selfishness, then land in the rifts of despair, depression and bitterness?  This isn't going to be one another one of those quaint little blogs about how to lead your kids to Christ or how to impact the world for Him, that you may read and be so encouraged by... Nope. This one is different. 

This is my story, my christianity, the good, the bad and the ugly...oh, can it be ugly...

I'm not the perfect Christian, leading the perfect Christian life, where the kids always look neat and clean and have their bible verses memorized, where the door is always open and ready to receive guests with tea and cakes and a dazzling smile, where reaching the lost, caring for the poor and down-trodden and pointing them to Jesus is the top priority, spoken of every chance we get...

I'm struggling just to meet with Jesus myself.

How do you teach your kids the importance of that time, of making God the priority when YOU don't even do it yourself, when you get caught up in the mundane of daily life, when all you crave is more help from anyone who is willing. 

This is my reality, but more importantly, it is my quest to be REAL. To invite you to get to know me (as I get to know her, myself), the real me, the un-made up version (because let's face it...make up is just too much trouble).  This is the tired, struggling, exhasperated me, the one that every once in awhile wants to throw her hands in the air, storm out of the room and "hide" in the darkened corner of the bathroom (did that just this weekend) and GIVE UP!  I know that is when you are supposed to give it to Jesus, I do, but this isn't one of those blogs that ties up it's ends nice and neat into a trite little package.

NO, this is REAL.

Oh, don't worry too much. This isn't going to be where you throw open the shutters to find that I am immodest, immoral or prone to cursing like a sailor.  This is just where I 'fess up and admit that I am NOT perfect (c'mon, admit it, you thought that I was) No?. I do not have all of the answers (I don't even have half of them).  There may be snippets of wisdom thrown in, but my intention will NEVER be to cause anyone to feel less of a person, mother or Christian.

This is me in my imperfectness, coming clean so that maybe you will leave encouraged, because at least you know of one person who is struggling, too.