I read the book in a weekend (nearly unheard of in my home of 6), and I am changed. Seems silly to say that it took a memoir-esque book written by a Gay Christian man to change me and who I am as a Christian. I believe that God led me to read this book in His effort to change me. Even if no one listens and hears what I have to say, I know that I am different, and so I must share what I learned.
In October of 2001, I became a Christian. From that point, I did what lots of Christians do. I set about to determine what it means to be a Christian and live a godly life. I love God, and I love Jesus, and I want to live my life to bring Him honor and glory. I (my husband, really) found a bible believing, bible teaching church and we attended regularly, I began to read and engross myself in many bible studies, mostly at home by myself. I went through discipleship with a wonderful woman who did her best to reproduce her kind, patient, loving, God-honoring self in a know-it-all, like me. I read books written by Christian authors that told me how to be a godly woman, wife, and mother. I began to feel convicted in many areas of my life and tried my best to follow these convictions. As any human, I failed at reaching my own "ideal" of godliness on a daily basis, as others continued to do the same around me. And I began to judge them. I judged what they said, what they did, what they watched on tv. I judged the music that they listened to, what they wore (how little, mostly), and I even judged them by what they pinned on their pinterest boards (I know, right?!?). I would compare their "godliness" to my own, since I was judging Christians. It was really ugly. I was really ugly. I made a lot of decisions about people based on what I believed to be their sins. Can you believe that? WOW! I lived a "pot calling the kettle black" sort of life. I judged others by their behaviors for years in an attempt to figure out what it means to be "godly". I judged them by my standards, the crazy standards that I had gleaned from society's idea of Christianity, though I probably shouldn't bring "society" into this.
So, how, you may ask did reading the book, TORN, change me? For so many people, this is a book about whether or not it's a sin to be gay and live a "gay life". When my friends talked to me about what I was reading, one of the first questions they would ask was, "Does he believe that the homosexual lifestyle is ok?" The second was, "Well, does he live that lifestyle?" At the time, I just kept saying, "I don't know, yet. He hasn't spoken to that, yet." After finishing the book, I can answer the first part of the question. Yes, he does believe that a committed relationship between two people of the same sex is ok. For me though, this book wasn't about whether or not gay love is a sin. It isn't about tolerance of others. It isn't about tolerance of sin (whatever that may be).
“A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another.”
John 13: 34-35
This book, to me talked about LOVE, the "2nd greatest commandment" kind of love. At the end of the day, it just doesn't matter if being gay or engaging in gay behaviors is sinful. It doesn't matter if I think so. It doesn't matter if you think so. It doesn't even matter if God thinks so (to me), because I'm not gay. You know what does matter?? God calls us to LOVE one another, and he tells us to leave the judging to Him. The Holy Spirit dwells within me, not to call my attention to the "sins" of others, but to convict me of my own. So, lately, I have really been asking for God to change me in how I love others. The "judging part" of me is still there, but God, as always is very good at reminding me that I am not perfect. My heart is softening for my Christian brothers and sisters and everyone else that I encounter. Life is hard, and we all struggle with something. We all have a story.
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people."
Matthew 4:19
If we are to be "fishers of men" and draw people to a saving belief in Jesus, we need to start loving like Jesus did. He didn't draw people in by pointing out their sins (whatever they may be). He drew them in by loving them right where they were for who He knew them to be, His children.
